I’m a Driver, I’m a Winner, Things are Gonna Change–I Can Feel It!: Broke-Ass’ Uncommon Economic Indicators from the Early Days of 2011

Happy belated New Year, babydolls! Broke-Ass has missed you profoundly and has been heart-rendingly appreciative of all your lovely e-mails. Alas, she cannot say that they have sped her goddamn stomach bug and attendant flu. But as Broke-Ass languishes here on the sofa–fingers on the keyboard and head often leaning into the nearby bucket to vomit with shocking violence–she thinks of you. Also, the preamble to Beck’s first, and arguably best, major hit encircles her addled little brain like a pubescent dolphin in the kiddie tank at Sea World:

I’m a Driver, I’m a Winner–Things are Gonna Change: I Can Feel It!

Everyone knows what comes after that line.

Broke-Ass long dispensed with New Year’s resolutions long ago, favoring the take-it-as-it-comes milieu to the grand-standing pledge-taking of her errant, misspent youth. Still, it would be nice to hope that things were going to change and nicer still to have some reason to believe that they might.

Ever in the tradition of the personal is economic, Broke-Ass has compiled her own modest albeit meager list of hopeful, uncommon economic indicators for 2011. Now go forth and fucking multiply.

1) With a Christmas check from her mother and stepfather, Broke-Ass launched a modest organic herbal tea business called Red Hook Mama Teas (because, as you know, Broke-Ass is a mama, she lives in Red Hook, and she is rawther witchy and herbally).

During the holiday season, Red Hook Mama Teas were available exclusively at the completely fabulous HomeSpa on Court Street in Brooklyn, where it all but sold out. Red Hook Mama teas will soon be available at the sumptuous boutique Mongo as early as next week. Very, very soon, Broke-Ass and the flat-out amazing genius of a designer, Jason Wizelman of Nice Design, will be launching a real-live Red Hook Mama Teas website with  fond hopes and well-executed business plans.

2) Broke-Ass was phoned up by a very awesome editor at the environmental news magazine Grist and was asked if she would like to write a column. The answer was: Hell, yes, she would like to write a column. So, that’s pretty fucking excellent.

3) Broke-Ass was asked to co-write a TV pilot with her dear friend, and she did. This is not an uncommon economic indicator, however. This is called writing on spec, and it’s for rank amateurs, but at this point, so the fuck what? Light a candle with me, babydolls.

So, Broke-Ass wants to know: What are your uncommon economic indicators? Are they as anemic as these? Drop a line.


About brokeassgrouch

I'm goddamned broke and grouchy. I live in the middle of the damned ghetto and raise chickens for eggs; grow all my own vegetables and fruit; bake the bread and make the cleaning products. Why? Because I fucking have to, that's why! That's what you do when you're fucking poor! You have to make the shit yourself, dumb-ass! Broke-Ass Grouch is sick of all you Bennington and RISD trustafarians yapping about your "urban farming co-ops" and your "carbon conscious lifestyle" and your "green choices" in the Times Styles section and every alternapress periodical that you can pick up for free in every eye-wateringly expensive, edgy bakery or green-market. Maybe when you have a trust fund, you can make "choices" or have a "lifestyle" or "decide" how to "spend" your "money." Excuse me, but Mama is just trying to feed her kids over here, you little shits. And stop spraying your art-school graffiti on the fence of the vacant lot across the street from my house. I know who you are, and I'm telling my friend Keith (who lives in the projects) that it was you who painted that cartoon of the African mask. So what can I tell you? I don't fucking know. I know a lot about being broke, sure as Bob's your fucking uncle. I know about how useless an Ivy League degree is when you're flat-ass broke. I know how to unclog a drain with baking soda and vinegar, and I know how to make my own CHEESE, for fuck's sake. You tell me.
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4 Responses to I’m a Driver, I’m a Winner, Things are Gonna Change–I Can Feel It!: Broke-Ass’ Uncommon Economic Indicators from the Early Days of 2011

  1. Sarah says:

    My child has just finished private preschool and can finally go to public school! Yay!

  2. Sestinas for Dollars says:

    Bad Economic Indicator for Me: Recently found myself at major educational publishing house, pitching myself, yet again, as a smart, willing good girl who will learn to do anything well and then do it until the cows come home, for pennies. My talents are never worth any money. (I can write a good sestina, for example.) Very happy that your indicators are speaking to a bright future! Good work on the tea biz! I’m going to buy some! And thanks for the inspiration. Perhaps I will take action right now and do one of those things that sits on the back burner.

    • Barbara Spencer says:

      Dear Broke-Ass–

      My God you make me laugh. Keep it coming.

      Please talk to Michael Ruppert at Collapse Net and tell him you want to write for his blog. We could use the relief.

  3. jenabrams says:

    Very glad to have you back broke-ass! Looking forward to buying your tea. Also to subscribing to your new Grist column, and running up as many page views as possible. Will you post here when they start running?

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