We evidently have a wise-ass on our hands. A real freaking shtunk. Jewish and Astounded writes:
I have to say I’m a bit shocked. I didn’t know white people could really be that poor. I’m so sorry. Have you considered attaching a PayPal button to the bottom of the site?
I also thought you should know about 7th Generation and Meyer’s. they are making very green cleaning products for only like $7 for 24oz. You really shouldn’t be handling all that vinegar. Anyway, I’m late for my organic butchering class. We’re learning about artisanal knives tonight. stay alive, broke-ass.
Funny guy, eh? Okay, Jewish and Astounded. Yes, I’ve thought about attaching a PayPal button: to my fucking forehead. But the more efficient move is just to forward me your tax-deductible check to the Committee Against Sexual Harassment (just make it out to C.A.S.H.).
(Thank you, thank you, you’re a great audience–I’m at the Giggle Hut in Paramus every other Tuesday.)
Now, for those of you who do not know, Broke-Ass is not Jewish. One clear sign of this is that she lives in the ghetto, raises chickens for eggs, and is married to an antiques restorer without a trust fund. But Broke-Ass is a lifelong Judeophile, and when she does ultimately become officially Jewish, not just a Yiddishe Mama–a status that was nearly revoked after the chickens arrived (indeed, I believe that it was you, Jewish and Astounded, who nearly pulled that plug)–she will immediately earn the distinction of being poorest Reform Jewish convert in Brooklyn. Perhaps anywhere. Broke-Ass could fucking pinch herself. She loves distinctions.
But let me tell you something, Jewish and Astounded: You would kill yourself if you knew what Broke-Ass could do with brisket. Shit, you’d kill yourself if you knew what Broke-Ass could do with a pile of beans. For example:
First thing in the morning, soak cannellini beans in a big pot full of water. At about 5pm, put them on the stove, bring to a boil, then a simmer: Toss in a bunch of garlic cloves, and pour in some olive oil, dried oregano, salt, pepper. When the beans taste done, drain, and then dump them into a bowl with chunks of parmesan, walnuts, and a monster handful of fresh parsley, sage, basil–whatever you’ve got in your white trash Victory Garden. Toss with olive oil and lemon juice. You just fed a family of five a complete meal for three dollars. Done and done.
You want more? Tell you what: You bring over your artesenal knives, and I’ll teach you everything I know about shechita.