Who am I? I’ll Tell You Who I Goddamned Am.

I’m goddamned broke and grouchy. I live in the middle of the damned ghetto and raise chickens for eggs; grow all my own vegetables and fruit; bake the bread and make the cleaning products. Why? Because I fucking have to, that’s why! That’s what you do when you’re fucking poor! You have to make the shit yourself, dumb-ass.

Broke-Ass Grouch is sick of all you Bennington and RISD trustafarians yapping about your “urban farming co-ops” and your “carbon conscious lifestyle” and your “green choices” in the Times Styles section and every  alternapress periodical that you can pick up for free in every eye-wateringly expensive, edgy bakery or green-market.

Look, sweetheart, maybe when you have a trust fund, you can make “choices” or have a “lifestyle” or “decide” how to “spend” your “money.” Broke-Ass Grouch is just trying to feed her kids over here, you little shits. And stop spraying your art-school graffiti on the fence of the vacant lot across the street from my house. I know who you are, and I’m telling my friend Keith (who lives in the projects) that it was you who painted that cartoon of the African mask.

So what can I tell you? I don’t fucking know. I know a lot about being broke, sure as Bob’s your fucking uncle. I know about how useless an Ivy League degree is when you’re flat-ass broke. I know how to unclog a drain with baking soda and vinegar, and I know how to make my own FUCKING CREAM CHEESE, for fuck’s sake. You tell me who I am.

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About brokeassgrouch

I'm goddamned broke and grouchy. I live in the middle of the damned ghetto and raise chickens for eggs; grow all my own vegetables and fruit; bake the bread and make the cleaning products. Why? Because I fucking have to, that's why! That's what you do when you're fucking poor! You have to make the shit yourself, dumb-ass! Broke-Ass Grouch is sick of all you Bennington and RISD trustafarians yapping about your "urban farming co-ops" and your "carbon conscious lifestyle" and your "green choices" in the Times Styles section and every alternapress periodical that you can pick up for free in every eye-wateringly expensive, edgy bakery or green-market. Maybe when you have a trust fund, you can make "choices" or have a "lifestyle" or "decide" how to "spend" your "money." Excuse me, but Mama is just trying to feed her kids over here, you little shits. And stop spraying your art-school graffiti on the fence of the vacant lot across the street from my house. I know who you are, and I'm telling my friend Keith (who lives in the projects) that it was you who painted that cartoon of the African mask. So what can I tell you? I don't fucking know. I know a lot about being broke, sure as Bob's your fucking uncle. I know about how useless an Ivy League degree is when you're flat-ass broke. I know how to unclog a drain with baking soda and vinegar, and I know how to make my own CHEESE, for fuck's sake. You tell me.
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7 Responses to Who am I? I’ll Tell You Who I Goddamned Am.

  1. Scared of you says:

    You’re scaring me brokeass grouch!
    But I think your little farm is wonderful..

  2. I love you, Brokeass! Keep grouchin’!

  3. scared of you says:

    brokeass PLEASE change your photo. it’s too scary! can’t you be brokeass grouchy and pretty as usual?

  4. chiquita says:

    I agree that you need to put a less scary pic up! i think there are many other brokeass grouches who don’t make lemonade as well as you. Keep it up sister!

  5. scared of you says:

    hey grouchy –
    can you post some of your bread recipes?
    how do you make your natural cleaners?
    do you hate all designers or just the ones who went to RISD?

  6. glad to meet the grouchy says:

    Dear Grouchy
    Felling a bit (a lot) grouchy myself I wonder if you have the answer how did we get here to the state of such a profound grouchiness from a state of serenity and happiness in such a short time?
    Also. I liked the first photo better… I encourage you to take yet another photo ….
    Much love and grouchy encouragement. This is excellent!

  7. scared of you says:

    i would like to know what state of serenity and happiness “glad to meet grouchy” is from, cause i am moving there as soon as i figure out where it is!

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